Recently I heard the Lord ask me to speak His heart on the topic of abortion and of course my first thought was “NO way!”. The amount of hate and anger that has shown it’s face after Roe vs Wade was overturned has been intense and no one wants to be the target of that but I know that my obedience to the Lord far outweighs what others think of me so here I am being vulnerable….
I have a unique perspective because I have actually lived this issue from various sides because at 22 years old I found myself pregnant, alone in the U.S. with no family, working a contract nursing job with no savings and big dreams for my future that would be destroyed if I had a baby. When I told the baby’s father I was pregnant and thinking of keeping the baby he exploded in anger and stormed out and I never heard from him again. Not once did anyone say an encouraging word about being able to parent or even bring up the option of adoption, it was just assumed that I would have an abortion. When I saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound I laid on that table crying, I had never felt so alone and so scared. Because I hadn’t realized I was pregnant until I was 10 weeks along I didn’t have much time to decide. Although I wouldn’t truly meet Jesus for another 15 years, I knew there was a God and that it was wrong but I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I thought that the problem would be taken care of and I could move on with my life and forget it happened. I thought I’d never have to tell my family that I had been so irresponsible and could have babies in the future when I wanted to, so I allowed a doctor to take my child’s life. I remember waking up in the recovery room and actually feeling like there had been life inside of me and now it was gone, I felt so empty.
I tried to just move on but the abortion led to many, many years of trying to numb the pain with drugs, alcohol and partying, as well as depression caused by self-hatred. In 2011 I found my way back to God and my faith and discovered there was healing and forgiveness for me. I went through an abortion recovery group at a local church and it changed my life. I prayed and asked God for my child’s gender and He showed me a vision of a little boy and I named him Isaiah. During my group, I was able to write him a note, attach it to a balloon and release it up to heaven. It was very healing but even though I knew God had forgiven me, it took many more years before I could forgive myself. Following that group I spent the next few years leading abortion recovery groups at my church and walking many women through the same healing I had experienced. I got to sit with them as they cried and shared stories that they had never spoken to anyone before of multiple abortions or late term abortions and the trauma, shame and brokenness it had caused.
Years later when we started trying to have children I discovered I had developed adenomyosis in my uterus which occurred from the trauma of the abortion and we have experienced infertility and multiple miscarriages over the last 8 years and I haven’t been able to carry a pregnancy successfully since. I realized that I would have done anything to have made a different choice and still been able to raise and watch Isaiah grow. My whole life would have changed and been turned upside down but I believe it would have been ultimately for the better and I miss him everyday.
Over that time I asked the Lord to use my abortion story to help others and he led me to work as the Nurse Administrator for 3 years at a pro-life OB medical clinic where we provided the opposite of what I received, we encouraged the women, gave them all the options and resources and enabled women to make a choice not out of fear but with support and love. I also had the privilege of leading our Abortion Pill Reversal program and helping women to save their babies after taking the abortion pill and changing their minds. We were blessed to have a high success rate and it didn’t matter if it meant meeting a woman after hours or on weekends, we were committed to doing whatever we could to help them. What a joy it was to see a strong heartbeat on the ultrasound and beautiful baby photos as the Lord plucked them out of the enemy’s clutches and saved their lives and the gratitude of these women whose lives were almost changed forever (For more info go to www.abortionpillreversal.com).
I was so grateful that God was redeeming my abortion experience through leading abortion recovery groups and my job in the pro-life world and through saving other women from living the same trauma as I did. It’s also how we met our first son’s birth mom. She was living on the streets in a lifestyle of brokenness but she knew the Lord and still chose life for her baby in the midst of her circumstances. A year later our second son’s birth mom was in the same situation and I admire them both for making such a hard choice when they knew that they would not be able to parent or take their baby home in their current situation and could have easily gotten a free abortion instead. But because they chose life for their babies, I’m a mom today and they are best gift we have EVER been given! Society would have told them to abort, that they were harming their babies with their lifestyle and they knew that after birth they would have to walk through the trauma of placing their babies with someone else to be their mom- how incredibly brave they were! It was very humbling because I really could have raised Isaiah if I thought that I could, it would have changed everything and I would have struggled but I believe it would have been so worth it. At the time I thought I was brave for having the abortion but I was letting fear control me instead of what was best for the life growing inside of me and while I have forgiven myself, I will never stop regretting that decision.
The irony of my story is after my abortion I couldn’t carry another pregnancy or have biological children of my own but God led me to adopt children that no one else wanted and some would say should have been aborted. The Lord never wastes a hurt and He’s used my pain many times in my life to help others and I pray He continues to do so because that’s how I can honor Isaiah until I get to heaven. The Lord truly creates beauty from ashes!
“To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.” Isaiah 61:3 NLT
Our views on abortion may be very different but I believe that every life is precious and sacred (no matter how they were conceived) and that God doesn’t make mistakes, He created that life and chose that woman to grow and nurture it and He wrote a book about that baby and their purpose and destiny before time even began (Psalm 139:16). He’s changed my view from an unplanned pregnancy being an inconvenience to it being an honor to be chosen by God to carry one of His precious children, that you get to partner with the creator of the universe to birth life into the next generation. I understand that there are horrible circumstances where a baby is conceived through rape, incest or in abusive relationships but is that life inside her not still precious and worthy of a life?
I know it’s scary but if you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy know that you can choose life. And if no one has said it, you are capable of making a good choice for your baby, you are important and seen and loved. Abortion may seem like the quicker and easier route and like it will take care of the problem but I can tell you from experience that it doesn’t.
“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalms 139:13-16 NLT
If you have had an abortion there is so much love and grace for you and there is healing which will bring freedom from any shame you carry. The Lord loves you and wants to heal your broken heart and bring you back to wholeness. (If you want to explore healing options please direct message me and I will help you find a support group).
My dear friends, whether we agree on the issue of abortion or not, know that I love you and accept you just as you are!
I am forever grateful to God for saving me from shame, depression, anxiety and self-hatred with His great love and forgiveness, for the ways He has redeemed Isaiah’s life through the women I have gotten to help and their babies that have been saved from the same fate, and for taking such good care of all of my babies in heaven until we are reunited. May my life and my testimony glorify You Father!
To Isaiah,
I long for the day I get to see you and kiss your face but until then I hope sharing our testimony honors you because your life mattered. I love you and miss you sweet boy
Love Mommy | Alycia De Lucio